The last several months has been non-stop ups and downs, valleys and vistas, trials and triumphs. Moving a family of six without a moving company is not something for the faint of heart, and I am still trying to wrap my mind around everything I have to do. I am trying so hard to do everything, yet somehow seem to be nearly drowning many days. I know that is a part of life, and for the most part, I have stayed happy, excited, and grateful. I do know that we are supposed to be where we are right now. So many things have fallen amazingly in to place. The timing of it all has totally been in the Lord's hands, and I have seen His direction and guidance throughout the experience.
Yet last night, I hit a sort of "down". I had ordered peaches and tomatoes to can--and while I knew this was probably biting off more than I could chew--I really wanted to do this. I could pick the order up anytime on Saturday and, of course, I completely forgot. I didn't remember until yesterday afternoon when I sat down to look at my calendar for this week. I immediately called the lady who had organized it all and she told me "Sorry, but any fruit not picked up is donated." It hit me so hard. I felt horrible that not only would I not be able to have freshly canned peaches and tomatoes, I had wasted all that money. (At least it was going to a good cause, but that was little consolation.) It was the final straw and I broke down and had a little cry. I felt a flood of "I can't do this" and I didn't know if I wanted to any more. I said a very sad, but heartfelt prayer last night.
Then this morning when I looked at my email, the lead article for today's
Meridian Magazine (a daily online LDS-oriented magazine) was entitled,
"Mothering Young Children: Come Sighing and Signing to the Lord". I knew I had to read it. I instantly thought of my prayer last night: that I had given several deep sighs as I talked to my Father in Heaven.
It is a beautiful article on hanging in there, and seeing the hand of the Lord in your life, strengthening and sustaining you. It reminded me that I'm right, I can't do it all on my own; but, if I trust in His grace, I will be able to do more, and what I do will be sufficient. It reminded me of the enabling power of the Atonement. It reminded me that what I do as a mother does make a difference. It reminded me of a quote my sister-in-law, Wendy, has hanging on her wall: (something to the effect of) "I am a contractor, working on six palaces." I loved the part that our family is in construction mode, so it's okay that my house is not perfectly clean and the dishes aren't usually done, etc. It was just what my tired heart needed.
And, as a reminder that there are many people around me to support and help me in this journey--even if I am new to this area and know very few people--I found out that a lady I had met in my new ward who also ordered peaches had seen that I hadn't yet picked up my order and picked mine up as well! So, the peaches and tomatoes will get canned and the money didn't go to waste after all! Another tiny miracle in my life. And another thing for which to be grateful. The Lord is aware of me and I can keep pushing onward and upward, no matter how slowly I am climbing.