Skyler for President!

Skyler brought this home from his preschool co-op today. 

I was cracking up when I read this.  I had no idea he disliked brocolli so much!  Considering all the crazy stuff our government now enforces, maybe he could actually get away with this...if he were elected. 

Christmas Vacation

Finally, I'm getting to our Christmas vacation.  Saturday, December 21, Kylene had her piano recital at Eastern Washington.  As soon as that was finished, we headed to Oregon.  We made great time, and enjoyed the next two weeks with family and friends.  We were able to go visit friends in Salem, and check up on our rental property there.  I got to have dinner with Beth and Memory.  We spent lots of fun times with the (Alva) Barney's and Clark's, and loved being back at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  My kids felt right at home:).  They went right back to playing with the neighbor's, and loved roaming the neighborhood, even if it was a little wet. 
Kyle flew back to Washington on Monday morning, December 30, and we stayed a few more days, then drove home Thursday, January 2nd.  (I guess someone has to earn the money, huh?  Thanks, babe!) 
The only "down" side to the holidays was that somehow, somewhere, Andon picked up Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease.  He woke up with the rash the morning we left for Oregon, but I had no idea what it was until Sunday morning when I talked to an advice nurse who knew what she was talking about.  (The two I talked to on Saturday were clueless.)  Luckily, we kept him home from church so we didn't share it with our old ward, but we DID share it with the cousins.  I felt horrible when Kyler, Michael, and Stephanie ended up getting it.  But, all in all, we had a wonderful trip and enjoyed the holidays!  And thankfully, my siblings are forgiving.

Here are some photos from our Christmas Eve Nativity and other festivities with the (Alva) Barney's and Grandma and Grandpa.

 

Christmas morning shots:

 

Miscellaneous shots:  My parent's let me open my birthday gift a little early: a new strobe for my camera!! Yay!; a picture of the little gifts we took to Anneca's grave; playing "Ticket to Ride", a Christmas gift, and our families new favorite game; Kylene and Lidya, dear friends who were very glad to be back together over the holidays; and, handsome Spencer posing for me to try out the new flash.

Spencer is Fair

Spencer was chosen in January to be Student of the Month!  This is the first month our brand new school is doing "Student of the Month" (each class has a student), so we were excited for him.  Each month is a different character trait; January was "Fairness".  Way to be fair, Spencer!

In Memory -- Anneca's Due Date

Today, February 5th, was my original due date with Anneca.  It's hard to realize that, had everything gone normally, I would likely be at the hospital right now, ready to hold a pink little bundle of joy.  How our lives would be different right now: all the hustle and bustle of normal life would stand still while a precious spirit entered the world and we focused on her.  I have thought of the normal "first" moments that are not to be: holding her, hearing her first cry, first bath, having the other children come to meet her, bringing her home, worrying if she was eating enough and growing like she should.  It hurts my heart to think about.  And at the same time I feel gratitude for the gift of Anneca.  I feel it is a sacred privilege that I was with her every moment of her brief stay in mortality.  She is an especially noble spirit, and if I stay true to my covenants and faith, she will be with our family forever.  I have found immense comfort in the abundance of prophecies of the modern prophets that say children who die in infancy (before the age of accountability) are exalted.  What an incredible gift modern revelation is!  My main goal now is being worthy to be able to raise her in the eternities.  I must keep that eternal perspective, even in the craziness of day-to-day living.

The last four and a half months have been a roller coaster.  Days of joy and days of sorrow.  Ups and downs mentally, emotionally, spiritually.  In some ways, I feel like I have hardened my heart so that I don't have to feel the pain; in others, I feel like I have felt closer to the Lord than ever before.  Sundays are always the hardest for me.  Life slows down, the daily routine is paused, I go to church and feel the Spirit, and it always makes my heart sad.  I want to feel, and yet I don't want to.  And it's hard not to feel at church.

It is getting easier, I have to admit.  I have more "up" days now.  I am opening my heart up more to feeling than I used to.  But I am also giving myself permission to take more time.  It hurts feeling like people have mostly forgotten.  I think of her daily.  But that is a part of life I have to accept.  It has made me look around and try to find others whom are sorrowing too, wondering what sadness they are holding which I have forgotten. 

I have gained a greater testimony of healing through service.  Especially shortly after Anneca's burial, I forced myself to get out and serve.  I took meals to people in the ward, tried to watch friends' kids, took silly little gifts to people, tried to help my neighbors when I could, etc.  It definitely helped me get outside my own sorrow, although I still had to face it at some point.  Grieving is anything but linear, and one of the most important elements of healing is simply time.

We went to the cemetary this past Sunday, after having several inches of snow fall this past week.  The headstones were all covered in snow and I wondered if we would be able to find Anneca's.  Kyle uncovered one and I knew it was close, but he had gone a little too far.  I walked over and uncovered where I thought it was and there it was!  It meant so much to me that we were able to find it, even covered in 5-6 inches of snow.  That cemetary is hallowed ground for me.  A part of me feels complete, whole when I go there.  This miserable cold is hard mostly because it means I can not go as often.  But I know the Spring will come.

I am ever more grateful for the gift of Christ, which made it possible for Spring to come.  Hope and sunshine and warmth will come because of His Infinite and Eternal Atonement for me and for Anneca.  I know He lives and loves me.  I am learning to trust Him on a deeper level than I have ever been asked to trust before.  I emphasize learning because there are still days when I ask, "Why?"  And even though I know the answer, I am still learning to accept and trust.  Therein lies the challenge--and gift--of mortality.  Thank goodness the Lord is patient and gives us time.